Divorce
Finding Love After 50: Where to meet men
by admin on Apr.03, 2010, under Divorce
Finding Love After 50: Where to meet quality single men
©2009 Tom Blake – The expert on dating and finding love after 50
“Where should I go to meet quality men my age?” is the most frequently asked question I receive from women age 50+. I’ve been writing newspaper columns on finding love after 50 ever since my wife of six years cleaned out the house on Xmas Eve 1993 and moved out of my life.
This week, Sue, who lives in Los Angeles, California, emailed: “I’m widowed, attractive and easy to get along with, and have a modicum of intelligence to boot! Can you give me with some venues to meet nice, respectful men in my age group? I’ll be 62 in a couple of weeks. I look really good. I work full-time. I’m still raring to go. I’m just not sure where to go. I don’t do internet dating.”
I answered Sue—at the risk of discouraging her—by writing that there is no place in the Los Angeles area or anywhere across the US -where older single men congregate for the purpose of meeting quality women near their age. Places like that simply don’t exist.
Oh yes, there are clubs and bars where those older guys go looking to meet young babes. But women like Sue wisely stay away, not wanting to compete with younger women in a meat-market atmosphere.
Women get irked at me and suggest I’m not worth my weight as a columnist since I can’t come up with specific places where single men hang out. Last week, this column suggested women go to an antique car show because men like to talk about their vintage cars and it’s easy to engage them in conversation. No women reported they went to the show, or that they met somebody there, but at least we gave them a suggestion for a place where single men might be on a warm, Sunday afternoon.
My book, “Finding Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do,” (http://www.findingloveafter50.com/book_page.html) offers this advice to singles on where to go: “People need to get off the couch, away from the computer screen, out of the house, and pursue activities and hobbies that interest them. Meeting new people is vital.
“Singles should go out to spice up and revitalize their lives, grow, have fun and experience new things. While doing that, they might meet a mate, they might not, but in doing so, they’ve improved their chances greatly.”
I also tell singles that it’s important, however, not to go out for the sole purpose of trying to meet a mate. When singles do that, they come off as looking too hard—even desperate—and other singles sense that and will avoid them altogether.
We hear about the importance of attitude so much that it’s almost a hackneyed thought, but I cannot stress enough how important it is for singles to have a positive, non- judgmental attitude when they are out and about.
Negative singles get passed over in the love search.
In my book, I suggest reunions and weddings as must places to go. Joining clubs and doing volunteer work are important activities, as are going back to school and travel. And now we’ve added antique cars shows to the list.
Jude, Dana Point, California, said, “I have no problem meeting men. They are everywhere. You just have to be friendly and approachable. Walking in Dana Point Harbor is a great place to meet people.”
By not using the Internet, Sue has excluded herself from one of the most prolific ways older women meet older men. In spite of the negatives that accompany Internet dating, there are endless success stories for the “finding love after 50” group about how older singles met mates on the Internet. It should be at least a small part of Sue’s mix of activities.
So where should Sue and single women in general go to meet men? Anywhere and everywhere, it’s the getting out with new people that’s important. Fate will take over from there.
To comment: TPblake@aol.com
To sign up for Tom’s weekly e-letter on dating and finding love after 50: www.findingloveafter50.com
©2009 Tom Blake – The expert on dating and finding love after 50
“Where should I go to meet quality men my age?” is the most frequently asked question I receive from women age 50+. I’ve been writing newspaper columns on finding love after 50 ever since my wife of six years cleaned out the house on Xmas Eve 1993 and moved out of my life.
This week, Sue, who lives in Los Angeles, California, emailed: “I’m widowed, attractive and easy to get along with, and have a modicum of intelligence to boot! Can you give me with some venues to meet nice, respectful men in my age group? I’ll be 62 in a couple of weeks. I look really good. I work full-time. I’m still raring to go. I’m just not sure where to go. I don’t do internet dating.”
I answered Sue—at the risk of discouraging her—by writing that there is no place in the Los Angeles area or anywhere across the US -where older single men congregate for the purpose of meeting quality women near their age. Places like that simply don’t exist.
Oh yes, there are clubs and bars where those older guys go looking to meet young babes. But women like Sue wisely stay away, not wanting to compete with younger women in a meat-market atmosphere.
Women get irked at me and suggest I’m not worth my weight as a columnist since I can’t come up with specific places where single men hang out. Last week, this column suggested women go to an antique car show because men like to talk about their vintage cars and it’s easy to engage them in conversation. No women reported they went to the show, or that they met somebody there, but at least we gave them a suggestion for a place where single men might be on a warm, Sunday afternoon.
My book, “Finding Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do,” (http://www.findingloveafter50.com/book_page.html) offers this advice to singles on where to go: “People need to get off the couch, away from the computer screen, out of the house, and pursue activities and hobbies that interest them. Meeting new people is vital.
“Singles should go out to spice up and revitalize their lives, grow, have fun and experience new things. While doing that, they might meet a mate, they might not, but in doing so, they’ve improved their chances greatly.”
I also tell singles that it’s important, however, not to go out for the sole purpose of trying to meet a mate. When singles do that, they come off as looking too hard—even desperate—and other singles sense that and will avoid them altogether.
We hear about the importance of attitude so much that it’s almost a hackneyed thought, but I cannot stress enough how important it is for singles to have a positive, non- judgmental attitude when they are out and about.
Negative singles get passed over in the love search.
In my book, I suggest reunions and weddings as must places to go. Joining clubs and doing volunteer work are important activities, as are going back to school and travel. And now we’ve added antique cars shows to the list.
Jude, Dana Point, California, said, “I have no problem meeting men. They are everywhere. You just have to be friendly and approachable. Walking in Dana Point Harbor is a great place to meet people.”
By not using the Internet, Sue has excluded herself from one of the most prolific ways older women meet older men. In spite of the negatives that accompany Internet dating, there are endless success stories for the “finding love after 50” group about how older singles met mates on the Internet. It should be at least a small part of Sue’s mix of activities.
So where should Sue and single women in general go to meet men? Anywhere and everywhere, it’s the getting out with new people that’s important. Fate will take over from there.
To comment: TPblake@aol.com
To sign up for Tom’s weekly e-letter on dating and finding love after 50: www.findingloveafter50.com
Dating a widower: Why won’t he commit?
by admin on Jan.15, 2010, under Divorce
Finding Love after 50: The Wrong Way
©Tom Blake – The Dating After 50 Expert – June 1, 2009
I receive between 40 and 50 emails a day from people searching for love after age 50. Often they find me by doing a Google Search on the words “finding love after 50” or “love after 50,” which leads them to my www.findingloveafter50.com website. Out of 40,000,000 results that Google produces for those words, my website is number one in the world.
One recent flurry of emails from a divorced woman left my head spinning.
Melinda, 53, wrote that five weeks ago (May, 2009) she met a 58-year-old widower of seven months on Match.com and had dated him “full-time” since then. They live in the same small town. He had been married 38 years; she was the first woman he had dated—other than his deceased wife— in 39 years. Melinda says she never would have met him—even in her small town—if she hadn’t been Internet searching for a mate.
When they met, the widower told her he was seeking a lover and a woman to move in with him.
Melinda commented on that, “I want to get married again; I told him so in our first few days of dating. I told him I wanted to wait to have sex too. He thought I was a bit old-fashioned, but agreed, saying I was worth the wait.
“His daughter and family told him over and over he was going too fast and they did not like that I had been married five times. She told her dad I was probably a gold digger. His brother says he should date several women before settling into a relationship so soon after losing his wife. They didn’t think he had healed properly either.”
Melinda reported that she felt five weeks to have sex was enough time to wait. So, on a Saturday night, she jumped in the sack with him. She went into explicit details that detract from the main point of this story.
Two days later, he dumped her, telling he had to test the waters by dating at least four other women before making a commitment to her.
She said, “I am so hurt. I’m not sure he will ever realize how great we could be together.” She asked for my opinion on what to do.
Seldom–in the 16 years I’ve been writing newspaper columns–have I been at a loss for words. But what was I to tell her? Five marriages? Gold digger? Sex after five weeks? Who knows why he left?
Perhaps he didn’t like the sex. Perhaps he listened to his family’s warnings. Perhaps he hadn’t healed yet.
I emailed her back and said that since the relationship had been for only five weeks, she’d likely recover soon, and asked her for more information, including why she had been married so often.
She replied, “I didn’t want to ‘live in sin’ while raising my son.” So, she got married to enjoy the sex and used her belief that the sanctity of marriage would make the romps in the sack acceptable.
Melinda said, “He is back on match.com searching for love after 50 and I have had maybe seven hours of sleep in the past 5 days. I decided today to go back on match to find my love after 50 mate. I have no clue how long it will be before he dates these four women and when he intends to let me know if he has found whatever he is searching for.”
She emailed this update the next morning: “We got back together. We spent the entire day and resolved all of the issues. I feel better and am planning on living with him soon.”
I thought, ah, another “love after 50” couple works out the differences through effective communication, moves in together, and lives happily ever after. But it didn’t exactly turn out that way.
A week later she wrote, “We broke up again. This time for good. I believe his drinking was a factor.”
Scratching my head, I had nothing left to say—not that I had said anything of value in the email exchange with her—other than that it was best she found these things out before investing too much more time or emotion.
Can you imagine if she had moved in with him? And they had married? It would have been divorce number six.
To comment: tpblake@aol.com
Receive Tom’s weekly Finding Love after 50 e-letter, sent every Friday: www.findingloveafter50.com
©Tom Blake – The Dating After 50 Expert – June 1, 2009
I receive between 40 and 50 emails a day from people searching for love after age 50. Often they find me by doing a Google Search on the words “finding love after 50” or “love after 50,” which leads them to my www.findingloveafter50.com website. Out of 40,000,000 results that Google produces for those words, my website is number one in the world.
One recent flurry of emails from a divorced woman left my head spinning.
Melinda, 53, wrote that five weeks ago (May, 2009) she met a 58-year-old widower of seven months on Match.com and had dated him “full-time” since then. They live in the same small town. He had been married 38 years; she was the first woman he had dated—other than his deceased wife— in 39 years. Melinda says she never would have met him—even in her small town—if she hadn’t been Internet searching for a mate.
When they met, the widower told her he was seeking a lover and a woman to move in with him.
Melinda commented on that, “I want to get married again; I told him so in our first few days of dating. I told him I wanted to wait to have sex too. He thought I was a bit old-fashioned, but agreed, saying I was worth the wait.
“His daughter and family told him over and over he was going too fast and they did not like that I had been married five times. She told her dad I was probably a gold digger. His brother says he should date several women before settling into a relationship so soon after losing his wife. They didn’t think he had healed properly either.”
Melinda reported that she felt five weeks to have sex was enough time to wait. So, on a Saturday night, she jumped in the sack with him. She went into explicit details that detract from the main point of this story.
Two days later, he dumped her, telling he had to test the waters by dating at least four other women before making a commitment to her.
She said, “I am so hurt. I’m not sure he will ever realize how great we could be together.” She asked for my opinion on what to do.
Seldom–in the 16 years I’ve been writing newspaper columns–have I been at a loss for words. But what was I to tell her? Five marriages? Gold digger? Sex after five weeks? Who knows why he left?
Perhaps he didn’t like the sex. Perhaps he listened to his family’s warnings. Perhaps he hadn’t healed yet.
I emailed her back and said that since the relationship had been for only five weeks, she’d likely recover soon, and asked her for more information, including why she had been married so often.
She replied, “I didn’t want to ‘live in sin’ while raising my son.” So, she got married to enjoy the sex and used her belief that the sanctity of marriage would make the romps in the sack acceptable.
Melinda said, “He is back on match.com searching for love after 50 and I have had maybe seven hours of sleep in the past 5 days. I decided today to go back on match to find my love after 50 mate. I have no clue how long it will be before he dates these four women and when he intends to let me know if he has found whatever he is searching for.”
She emailed this update the next morning: “We got back together. We spent the entire day and resolved all of the issues. I feel better and am planning on living with him soon.”
I thought, ah, another “love after 50” couple works out the differences through effective communication, moves in together, and lives happily ever after. But it didn’t exactly turn out that way.
A week later she wrote, “We broke up again. This time for good. I believe his drinking was a factor.”
Scratching my head, I had nothing left to say—not that I had said anything of value in the email exchange with her—other than that it was best she found these things out before investing too much more time or emotion.
Can you imagine if she had moved in with him? And they had married? It would have been divorce number six.
To comment: tpblake@aol.com
Receive Tom’s weekly Finding Love after 50 e-letter, sent every Friday: www.findingloveafter50.com
